she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
