you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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