Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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