WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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