Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
