my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
