I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
