My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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