The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
