FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
