Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
