It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
should my penis look like a turkey
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
