Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
