I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
