these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
