his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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