who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
