I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
