I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
