Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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