Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize