someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
