God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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