So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
