She said her name was "party"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
