party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
