Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
