Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
