Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize