if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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