yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
