You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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