my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
