Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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