How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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