Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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