the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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