shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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