so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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