just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
