A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
