I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
