Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
