I wish I could teleport
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
