i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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