brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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