i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
