I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
