When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
