we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
