I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
