i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize