my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
