I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
