I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
