If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Rumble strips road head = magical
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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