My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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