I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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