hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
