a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she smelled like a LAN party
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
